So I was talking to my friend the other day, sorta ranting about my relationship a little. So suddenly she tells me, that she believes when you are in a relationship, and are infatuated by someone else, that means the relationship is dead, and that a break up should be initiated. She tells me infatuation or a little crush doesn't matter because no matter what, she is figuratively saying your heart is not fully with your partner and you should end it because is so. then..here comes the best part..she started personally attacking me and attacking how high school kids will never be able to date their "HS sweet heart" for life and that HS kids are immature {She's only 21} and she started saying we are not in the same state of mind as her, and etc etc. Just wanna hear some thoughts.
My teacher mentioned something similar once, and we had a bit of a discussion. He said; Why date in High School? If you don't plan to marry them, then a break-up is inevitable. It might be because he never could get a date in high school. :lol: I think it's important to get to know a lot of people, so you can learn about your interests and what you like in others, what kind of person you do want to end up with. With what happened between you and her, I don't agree with her that relationships should be broken off like that. High School kids are known for constant changes of their feelings, maybe that person you were infatuated with yesterday is repulsive today.
I feel that having experience in dating others lets yourself know what you're looking for in a person. If you're stuck with only one person, you'll always wonder what else is out there.
If you are going to be in a long term relationship, having crushes on other people is inevitable. You can still like the person you are with and have a little thing for someone else. Its completely natural. But in the end, you know you are with the right person. These crushes usually don't last long. Its easy to have a crush on someone you other than you are dating, especially when you've been dating for a long time, because they are fresh and mysterious. You're current relationship is comfortable, but sometimes predictable and dull. All normal things once you fall out of the honey moon stage... However, if you'd rather be with this other person... then it starts getting complicated. I'm 21 and I don't feel any more mature than I did when I was in highschool. I've just grown and learned what does and doesn't work for me in a relationship. I don't think you can generalize, some people are more mature than others, regardless of their age... also one of my best friends is still with his high school sweet heart! In response to that teacher and HS sweethearts: You'll never know who you'll end up with for the rest of your life, and just because a relationship may not work out, doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a shot. Every relationship is a learning experience. Even if your high school sweetheart doesn't end up being the one you stay with forever, you need these early dating experiences in order to succeed in later relationships. Even horrible relationships can be positive. You learn what you DON'T want or can't stand in a significant other. and that is valuable information.
If you think some else is attractive or have a mini crush for like a week then it's nothing to worry about it's just human nature. An infatuation with someone else though depends on if it's platonic or sexual/emotional. If it is sexual/emotional and it lasts for a long time then the person your dating in my opinion is obviously not the person for you. When you truly fall in love there are no questions in your mind and there are no other people in the world you want. Something I've been struggling with for a long time is whether it's good to find love at a young age like in high school. If you do it cuts off a lot of life experiences and how can you depend on yourself or really know yourself if you've been in a relationship since 16. Some people do find the person they want to be with in high school and stay with them but it's obviously not very common at all. People constantly change emotionally especially between 16 - 25 because situations keep changing college/university/work being exposed to different things changes you so a person you feel in love with at 16 may be completely different at 20. I'm 19 and I know I was a completely different at 16. Also the concept of love changes as well. I thought I was in love when I was 16 but I've learnt it was just infatuation it wasn't love. Infatuation and addiction come along with love but aren't it by themselves. I did fall in love when I was 18 we spent a year together and it ended very badly he did a lot of things that should make me hate him but I still love him because that is what happens when you fall in love which is rather irritating. When it ended though it became apparent to me that both of us had changed so so much during the relationship it's just what happens in a lot of relationships. People change.
The thing about not being able to date a "HS sweetheart" is bs. I'm 21, a senior in college, and am in a 4.5 year relationship with a girl I started going out with in HS. We even stayed together for 3 years separated by several hundred miles...so it really just matters who you meet...it doesn't matter when you meet them
this situation is bad, if she says that your heart is not fully into the relationship then it goes to show me that you have other commitments to make before the relationship.
I agree with her somewhat. You are allowed to have a small crush on other people. Not obsess. But if you still love your relationship, then everything is fine =D
No matter what kind of relationship that you're in, you're going to find other people attractive. It would actually be incredibly unhealthy if you didn't. Think about it logically - especially with repect to high school dating. Yes, it's true that relationships formed at a young age can last forever. But statistically speaking, they usually don't. This has nothing to do with maturity or anything, this has to do with the fact that - again, statistically - it is in high school that most people are beginning to date, and when everyone else around them is doing the same thing. It's a whole psycological deal that has to do with awkwardness. When you're in your forties, dating is harder, because you don't have school and a million extra-curricular activites, both of which are great mixers. Therefore, it's harder to meet people, as by this point in your life, you're usually caught up in some sort of serious working-life. In high school, however, you get to run into new people every day, and it's always easy to just talk to someone for no reason other than that you're bored and oh, my gosh, isn't Mr. Carlton's new hair cut just ridiculous? So the thing is, even when you're in a relationship, you can't take yourself completely out of the dating circle. Now, I'm not saying that you should flaunt it like you're single, but you can't just become a complete and utter absentee from the market. You still have to meet people, and if you're so caught up in one person that they are the only person in the entire world that you can like, even on mini-crush levels, it's not likely that you're going to be very good at platonic relationships, either. It's all about emotional development and how you deal with the situations that you're in. Just because you think to yourself, 'my, he does have a cute bu - hair cut,' doesn't mean that you've betrayed the person that you're with. It should probably be something that you can talk about with the person that you're seeing - because obviously you couldn't expect him or her to be completly oblivious to other peoples' good qualities, either. Just my opinion, though, of course.
I don't believe in one-guy-one-girl relationships. I do open relationships. I'll add more tomorrow on the subject, tired now.
I would only break up with someone for a real reason, not just a crush.. And you should date in highschool. You need experience in the sack, and you need to get to know what you like in a partner. If you date out of highschool you might stay with someone just because you think this is the best you can get.. ect..
Your friend makes an interesting point, and while there is some validity to the idea behind what she's saying, it's being taken too far. As other people have said, everyone finds other people attractive, regardless of their relationship status. It'd be lying to yourself to pretend not to like certain characteristics or qualities of another person just because you're dating someone. However, if you are in a committed relationship, then I don't think it's healthy to develop a real crush on someone else. If you'd honestly rather be with someone else than the person you're with, then you're not being fair to yourself or the person you're seeing, and in that case, I think it's appropriate to end the relationship. Don't disregard her difference of perspective, though. I know I've learned a lot since being in high school, and the way I see many things has changed... but it's hardly mature to flaunt that experience, or cite it as a reason to listen to her, instead of yourself. There is value to dating people in high school, even though yes, all relationships either end in, a marriage or a break up, ultimately. If nothing else, you'll learn about yourself, what your expectations and wants are in a relationship, and the kind of person who you are compatible with. It's a bit of a trial-and-error process, I suppose... Anyway, sorry for the rant, but thanks for the question!
Tell you're friend to get off her high horse. Is she single? (if she is) tell her that she will die that way unless she stops being a bitch. I am not in a relationship, but seriously if I was, I am not going to stop having crushes on really, really hot chicks.
Ehh.. I have a few opinions on this. Overall, I dont even see the point in dating- period. Unless you're wildly in love and have legit plans on getting married, like the people above me said, it's not going to last. A few days to a few years, what's that compared to the rest of your life? However, the few relationships I have been in (surprisingly few for being 17) have been somewhat long term, with the shortest being 5 months. I have always had this thing where you dont have to do anything physically to be cheating. Emotional attachments are something you need to be honest with your partner about as well, or I consider it a form of cheating. Sure, you won't get pregnant by another man, but you can't truly say that your boyfriend/girlfriend is the only one you think about at night. An infatuation/crush is different than being attracted to someone. You can be attracted to someone and not act on it. You can be attracted and NOT end up falling for them. It happens. Just because you like his eyes or her hips doesnt mean you're going to get married 3 years down the line. I'm currently in a 2 year relationship, and he's in Detroit while I'm in Dallas, and we've been apart for 9 months now. We do plan on getting married, but we tell each other what is going on. There was a time where I liked this guy in my mental health class for a little while, but I told him about it, and we worked our way through it. A break up is not inevitable, it's all in the way you deal with it. (That's a lot of opinions....)