NEW PARAGRAPH +rep need some grammar help

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Rise and Fall, Mar 1, 2010.

  1. Rise and Fall

    Rise and Fall Level IV

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    see bottom post.
     
  2. John

    John Level IV

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    Re: +rep need some grammar help

    Erm.. I proof-read it, and changed some of the wording, added punctuation etc.

    Paragraph 1 - Summary of Sexual harassment tutorial.
    Sexual harassment is much more common than most people would think. A recent study, at the University of *****, showed 73% of students had claimed to have been sexually harassed in one form or another. Sexual harassment happens all around us though we may not realize it. It can involve many different things including sexual favors, offensive gestures, inappropriate language, physical contact, and much more. Many people may believe that sexual harassment is only male to female; however, females can perform sexual harassment as well. Gender is not an issue in sexual harassment. Sexual harassment can happen in many different scenarios. It could be as simple as peer to peer; such as one student to another or one co-worker to another. It could also be a teacher sexually harassing a student or vice versa. Sexual harassment is more common than most people think.

    Paragraph 2 - Explanatory essay on random topic
    Through research, I have learned that our planet Earth has gotten warmer over the last 100 years. Scientists have not been able to discover why this is happening to our planet. However, they have some hypotheses and clues as to why the earth goes through these changes. There is reason to believe that the Earth could be going through climate changes as the years go by; but there is also reason to believe that some choices that humans make have an impact on the earth's climate changes. Global warming is an enhancement of the Earth's temperature, which ultimately changes our climate. Studies have shown that a warmer Earth (1 to 2 degrees), may consequently result in changes in sea level, in rainfall patterns, and in a vast change within plants, wildlife, and humans. Global warming is an issue that we, as citizens of this world, should be conscious of. We shouldn't disregard the causes, and instead, should try to prevent the consequences. If temperatures rise above normal levels for a few days, it's no big deal - our planet will stay pretty much the same. However, if temperatures continue to rise over a longer period of time, our planet will continue to have problems.
     
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  3. Freja

    Freja Level IV

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    Re: +rep need some grammar help

    showed that 73% of students had claimed to have been sexually harassed in


    -that's all I dared to edit, since English isn't my first language, I would hate to screw up your assignment xD
     
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  4. John

    John Level IV

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    Re: +rep need some grammar help

    I was going to put that in as well, but I decided against it.
    It's not completely necessary, I don't think xD
     
  5. Freja

    Freja Level IV

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    Re: +rep need some grammar help

    that's okay John, just shoot my down D:

    lol. meh, I don't know, I think it sounds better xD
     
  6. Rise and Fall

    Rise and Fall Level IV

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    Re: +rep need some grammar help

    You must spread your reputation point to other users before giving to the same user.

    thanks for the help :)
    how many people do i have to +rep before i can rep someone again?


    btw is vice versa considered a slang of type?
    were not supposed to have any slang terms, it sounds like it would fit better but im not sure if thats considered a slang term or not

    "it's no big deal - our planet will stay pretty much the same."

    also why change to a dash there?
     
  7. John

    John Level IV

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    Re: +rep need some grammar help

    Vice versa is a posher way of saying 'and the same for the other way round' XD
    And I just thought that it was better with the hyphen, like.. to elaborate.
     
  8. Rise and Fall

    Rise and Fall Level IV

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    Re: +rep need some grammar help

    kk thanks :) ill +rep when i can :p

    if anyone wants to give it a shot correcting still please post :)
    its only due in a few days so i got some time
     
  9. Rise and Fall

    Rise and Fall Level IV

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    Re: +rep need some grammar help

    still looking for a few other people to correct this :)
     
  10. SoC

    SoC Moderator
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    Re: +rep need some grammar help

    Just read the 2 lines tbh, but when it says "and much more" do you need a comma as you have the word and after the comma which I was always taught is no need for a comma if the ands there.

    But i hate english. So ignore me :)
     
  11. FastBullet

    FastBullet Level IV

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    Re: +rep need some grammar help

    AFAICS, it's corrected. no need for correction anymore :p
     
  12. Rise and Fall

    Rise and Fall Level IV

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    Re: +rep need some grammar help

    got another paragraph that could use correcting

    any help would be greatly appreciated

    The word discipline is defined as: "the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior". (Oxford Dictionary) Thus, punishment falls under the category of discipline and there are no differences. Many activist groups may believe that punishing a child is wrong and that discipline should be used instead; however, they are the same thing. Discipline can be positive or negative. A child can be disciplined by reinforcement or punishment and it will affect their behavior. Psychologist B.F. Skinner has studied operant conditioning, which is a method of increasing or decreasing the probability that a desired behavior will recur. This psychological idea is the basis of discipline. There can be positive punishment or negative punishment. Positive punishment would be administering a harmful factor when someone does something wrong. Negative punishment would be removal of something good. A form of discipline can also be reinforcement. Positive reinforcement being the delivery of something good, while negative reinforcement would be the removal of a harmful factor. Discipline and punishment are not different at all. Punishment is simply a form of discipline that is harsher than other forms.
     
  13. Commy

    Commy Moderator
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    - "The practice of"
    - "of behavior" (Oxford Dictionary).
    - A form of discipline can also be reinforcement: positive reinforcement being the delivery (continue with sentence)

    Right, so not sure if these are right or wrong, pick any if you will.
     
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  14. hszmv

    hszmv Newbie

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    Re: +rep need some grammar help

    Numbers in the quote correspond to issues discussed underneath the quote.

    1. No colon needed.
    2. Citation should be before the period (if this is MLA style. Use class recomended style over my critique.).
    3. Would flow better if something like "Thus, there is no difference between punishment and discipline."
    4. Should be a sentence.
    5. A.) is the same thing as your statement linked in problem number 3. B.) and C.) should be combined into one complete thought.
    6. Spell check flagged it.
    7. "Which is" is fine, but needlessly wordy. You can delete those words and get the same thought.
    8. Try combining this thought to make the sentence flow better.
    9. Seems choppy. May want to use "while" to combine into one sentence.
    10. Try "Reinforcement can also be a form of discipline" for better flow.
    11. Try and convey the same idea, without using the words "Being" or "Would Be". These also mix the tense of your statement.
    12. Again, nothing wrong, but would work better if you could combine this into one sentence.

    Hope this helps.
     
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  15. Rise and Fall

    Rise and Fall Level IV

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    thanks for the help so far :)
     
  16. Rise and Fall

    Rise and Fall Level IV

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    NEW PARAGRAPH AGAIN

    The Popularity of the Internet
    In 1995 there were less than 5 million computers that were actually connected to the internet. (Comer, 2007) Since then, every year the number of computers attached to the internet has increased exponentially. Today, there are hundreds of millions, possibly billions of computers connected to the internet. Since the beginning the Internet has been used for many different things. Life has become more convenient with the large number of important, every day things that can be accomplished over the Internet. From uses such as online banking, job hunting, communication, to even uses as simple as purchasing movie tickets, it has become a necessity in many people's lives. However, the simplicity of life caused by the Internet may possibly have negative effects in the future. Mankind has become dependent on a utility that could crash at any time. Simple things such as a power outage would leave people clueless as to what to do without the internet or any technology. Surely, the Internet has simplified life; however, it may possibly cause many problems for mankind in the future.
    References:
    Comer, D. (2007) The Internet Book. New Jersey. Pearson Prentice Hall
     
  17. Anfan

    Anfan Level IV

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    The Popularity of the Internet
    In 1995 there were less than 5 million computers actually connected to the internet. (Comer, 2007) Ever since, the number of computers attached to the internet annually has increased exponentially. Today, there are hundreds of millions, possibly billions, of computers connected to the internet. From its beginning the Internet has been used for a variety of things. Life has become more convenient with the large number of important, every day things that can be accomplished over the Internet. From uses such as online banking, job hunting, communication, to things as simple as purchasing movie tickets, it has become a necessity in many people's lives. However, the simplification of life caused by the Internet may have negative effects in the future. Mankind has become dependent on a utility that could crash at any time. Something as simple as a power outage could leave people clueless as to what to do without the Internet, or other technology. Certainly, the Internet has simplified life. Yet at the same time, it has the potential to cause problems for mankind in the future.
    References:
    Comer, D. (2007) The Internet Book. New Jersey. Pearson Prentice Hall

    Some notes - there's no reason to be as redundant as to say "may possibly"; both already signify a possibility that's unsure.

    Vary your wording a little, e.g. don't use "however" as every transition or "many" as every quantitative adjective. It keeps things more interesting for the reader (earning you higher marks), and keeps it from seeming like you're just repeating yourself.
     
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  18. iggypop

    iggypop Level I

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    In 1995 there were less than 5 million computers connected to the internet. (Comer, 2007) Ever since, the number of computers attached to the internet has increased exponentially. Today, there are hundreds of millions, possibly billions, of computers connected to the internet. (I think you need a transition sentence here.) From its beginning, the Internet has been used for a variety of things. More recently, life has become more convenient with the large number of everyday things that can be accomplished over the Internet. From uses such as online banking, job hunting, and communication, to tasks as simple as purchasing movie tickets, the Internet has become a necessity in many people's lives. However, the simplification of life caused by the Internet may cause negative effects in the future. Mankind has become dependent on a utility that could crash at any time. Something as simple as a power outage could leave people clueless as to what to do without the Internet, or other technology. Certainly, the Internet has simplified life. But it also has the potential to cause problems for mankind in the future. What is now demanded of us is to manage both the negative and the positive—and, hopefully, to better the negative affects to become positive ones.

    Okay, so I'm not too sure that the ending of this makes any sense. Hopefully you get the idea and others can maybe improve on it. I don't know if that's what you're going for. Anyways, good luck :)
     
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