Okay well.. I don't have anywhere else to express myself and none of you actually know me so.. no harm done. I'm so freaking depressed right now. It just feels like I can't do anything right. I know I'm not perfect... I'm not pretending to be but even some of the smallest and easiest of things I seem to fucking stuff up some how. I go to bed sometimes not wanting to wake up... I think of ways I could assist with that process. I don't think I could actually go through with it... But the thoughts alone scare me. I shouldn't be thinking like that.... I hate myself for letting things get me down that much that I feel like that. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm a failure and the people that know me deserve better. I hurt them all the time and I can't seem to help it. things go good.. then just turn to shit again. ARGH! I just wish I could vanish... I'm not looking for attention.. I don't want you to pitty me or any of that bullshit. I just needed to express it somewhere.. Unfortunately you guys have to wear it because it's the easiest way to let it out... Has anyone else ever felt that fucking shitty they just... felt... empty?
Sounds like you need to eat chocolate (chocolate is a S.S.R.I), and think positive. Yea, it sounds really really dumb. But those two things alone will make a huge difference. The more negative you think, the more the nuclei in your brain, as well as body chemicals will change and will demand negative energy, thus you will subconsciously seek more negativity in your life, as well as continually think negatively which will put you in a never ending cycle. Your brain will literally seek negativity 24/7. And you're no failure, that's just the way you perceive yourself...And as far as hurting people, unfortunately it is a part of life. Everybody will get hurt by people at one point in time. Life is all about just finding who is worth hurting over and who is worth getting hurt by. You gotta live life with a famous motto: Fake it till you make it. It's true..that if you act a certain way, you will start feeling that way. E.G, if you act extremely happy and think like you are 24/7, you will become extremely happy eventually, its scientifically proven. Finally, I must say I'm no psychologist or psychiatrist, all the tips I have listed are things I've experienced/been through. However, I highly suggest you go see a medical professional, it wouldn't be an instant fix, but if you're having those kind of thoughts, you really want to get help for it.
I'm not going to any medical professional.. I refuse. I'd lost my job... which would lead to everything else. I'm to much of a chicken shit to act on thoughts... And I wouldn't want too... It's just the thoughts them self are bad.
Well, if you are a good worker and you would lose your job over that, then it's time to find a new job. Life is more important than a job even though it pays the bills. And I know the feeling. Just not healthy to have the thoughts. You never know if you're going to snap and actually get very close to going through with it... I remember after I was going through a really bad stage... I wasn't myself. I was extremely angry 24/7, simple things would make me snap, had those kind of thoughts 24/7, and my parents couldn't control me, I'd just snap on them, I wanted to be alone and I would do anything to be alone, I wanted to sleep alot, etc.
That's one of the problems.. I'm snappy.. And I don't know why. I am just always in a bad freaking mood and take it out on the ones I love. Unfortunately, my job is good... And I.. enjoy most of it. Not all, but heck, it wouldn't be a job if i enjoyed it ALL now would it.
I think the main thing is to not let yourself get taken too deep. Life has its ups and downs, and you need to get through the downs to get to the ups. Not too sure what else to say. We're here to listen.
I cant agree more with you. I have bad days dont get me wrong but you always have to try and think positive.
I went through the same depression thing you're going through. I felt like I couldn't do anything right, and I probably couldn't. The only way you're going to feel better (lame I know) is to think positive. I just started smiling instead of crying. I started hanging out with friends again (I cut them all out for god knows why) and they made me feel better. I'm here for you! <3
I hate to just keep repeating what everyone else is saying but... think happy thoughts . Tricking your mind into thinking positive and pretending you're happy or just trying to FIND things to be happy about will set off endorphines in your body that will in turn actually make you feel happy. You have a gf who loves you, a dog who adores you (from what I can tell lol), have a good job that keeps you entertained, have your own house, family who loves you, and friends who do too! And venting is good, everyone needs to vent some times
Yeah, I've felt like that before. Focus on what you love, and what you used to love. When you can't block the shittyness out, focus on the good. You can always unwind here, and you have my msn if you ever need an ear