Yes! It is I! Satan, Lucifer, the fallen angel, Samael... some call me Obama, but that's neither here nor there! Anyway, mortals, now that you have summoned THE BLACK LORD, THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS, AND DESTRUCTION, I'll let you all ask me one question. And before any of you brainless thirteen year olds ask me stupid stuff (I am Satan, you know, I know what's about to happen) let's get one misconception out of the way. I wrote the TaNaKah, the Bible, and the Qua'ran... Not Moses, not David, not the Gospels, not Mohammed, not God. Who else could have written something so confusing and so lurid that it could trick BILLIONS of people into believing what I said unconditionally? I mean, people have KILLED OTHERS because of this little fact. They've destroyed trains, demolished buildings with planes, and even killed abortion doctors. Some of them are filled with so much hate for their own fellow humans, I find it rather humble to know I'm the one who caused that hate. Just look at the Westburo Baptist Church for example. Those are truly my favorite Christians Hell, I tried to even drop some hints by killing less of you than god did. But now you're all starting to figure things out for yourself, realizing those stories that you hold dear to you are nothing more than fables and make-believe. Atheist scum! Now I've come to this world now to SCARE PEOPLE BACK INTO MY CONTROL... no quarter. You see, I was doing pretty good, I had 95% of the world believing what I said until bullshit asses like Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitches had to rear their disgusting, ugly heads using so called tools of "logic" and "reason". I'm so glad I still have followers who will obey ANYTHING I tell them to. But if I say I created every religion on this earth just to trick people, that wouldn't be entirely truthful. No, in fact the creator of the universe DID send one religion to spread peace and take back what I've ruined. Yes, I'm going to enlighten you... The one true religion is... Baha'i... and I know that sounds obscure, but just do some research. You can tell I haven't touched it. Well, I mean I've touched 'it' but I'm only bringing that up because most of you are perverts. Thank you for spawning me, and now please, ask your pathetic, feeble brained questions that ANY demigod could answer.
Why are boys so stupid? And that line about Richard Dawkins rearing his disgusting, ugly head so quickly followed by the fact that you touched 'it...' I'm sold on this thread. =) Wait, I'm allowed to generalize when I'm being feeble-minded, right? And if you blame women, that's not a fair answer.
Complicated question. Studies by the DEPTHS OF HELL Institute, Ca. have shown that men actually have better logic and are incredibly smarter. However, it has also been known (for a long time, I may add) that this institute is largely (wholly) male-based and run. The simple answer is sex. Men crave it. It makes them stupid. You only get one question - sorry. .. wait.. I'm Satan.. I'm never sorry. So I'm not sorry. Goodbye, Mortal.
That's just about the only line I want to hear right now. Later, when I'm in less of a crankyfeministbetch mood, I will be far more interested in the other part for the intriguing philosophical points that it raises in the existentialist and marxist trains of thought. I casually told a friend of mine that I'd never bone him because he has awful taste and actually believes that the girls in "demotivators" are real. Apparently our friendship wasn't based on intelligent conversation with just a hint of sexual tension, as I thought that it was. Oh, drama. Good luck ruling the world. =) Though why you would want to when you have demi-godly powers and could do something much more exciting than herd sheep is beyond me, but hey - some people like collecting stamps.
Hell's Highway has been really backed up ever since AC/DC wrote that god-awful, three-chord song. I mean, really, they should give Satan a helicopter. But no. It's a union thing. Pluck your eyebrows!
That's not me: that's alcohol, and occasionally your homo-erotic urges. (lolwut?) You shaved your eyebrows Phee? How devilish. (notice the pun?) Anyway, hot. (like hell. Man I'm good.)
I got one for you, why is it that most (if not all) women have one breast bigger than the other? LOLZ
Good guess. However, it is actually so it is easier to name them. Nah, I'm just yankin' y'chain. The real reason is that one day, during the time God was making the universe, we went out and got pissed. And then he started trying to design women, and started designing the breasts. He said they should be the same size to keep symmetry, I told him to have another beer - which was, obviously, the first and best creation. Ergo, the difference.