my fan fic, please dont hate, but rate! XD

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by ShadeS_FatE, Dec 2, 2007.

  1. ShadeS_FatE

    ShadeS_FatE Newbie

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2007
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    sorry had to remove due to safety purposes
     
  2. H3nry

    H3nry Level III

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2007
    Messages:
    407
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    London
    It's a good fic, the idea is original (at least, I think so)
    A little constructive critism if I may?


    I think the word leaves is over used, a small point but very noticable when reading.

    Also in my opinion the part's are too short. There is alot of description which is good, however there is no dialogue, granted Domonic has nobody to talk too but dialogue would help understand what Domonic is thinking and feeling.

    Overall, it's good, continue with it :D
     
  3. ShadeS_FatE

    ShadeS_FatE Newbie

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2007
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    sorry, removed for safety reasons
     
  4. sweetnshort

    sweetnshort Newbie

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2008
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    what was your story about?