Cell phones are an extremely useful tool in today's society. Nearly everyone carries cell phones. Occasionally, some children are even given cell phones to use in emergencies by their parents. Many children and teens carry their cell phones with them everywhere, including class. Many teachers are against cell phones in class, yet many students disregard this and carry their phones. I believe that cell phones should be kept at all times in case of emergencies. Cell phones should be allowed in class for many reasons. Many teachers will disagree with this; however they do not take into consideration the benefits of students having cell phones in the class room. Many children and teens are only given cell phones for emergency use and thus in the case of an emergency they need to be reached. If there was an emergency in the class which required medical help and nobody had access to a phone the response time would be much delayed. Although I believe that students should be allowed to have their cell phones in class there should still be strict regulations on them. Of course, they shouldn't be used during class time if it is disrupting the class. The teacher should have the ability to confiscate the student's cell phone should he or she believe that the student is being disruptive. Certainly, I believe that cell phones should be allowed in class. Teachers must place regulations on cell phone usage to prevent them from disrupting the class, and there must be consequences for breaking these rules. I don't think cell phones should be banned all together as they can be very important in some situations. Please help me correct this essay, i submitted the draft, but as always my peer reviews yield no good help, so please help me correct and better my essay. the topic was should cell phones be allowed in class or not. +rep for sufficient help, thanks
Fixed grammar errors as well as changed some words to make them more appropriate in context. Work on your comma usage. Also, you repeat a lot of words like "many" which kind of detracts from the flow of the essay. edit: hm, I don't think you can see where I added commas in my edits. Look at the bbcode to see where I bolded stuff if its not evident.
Some corrected sentences: Many teachers will disagree with this, however, they do not take into consideration the benefits of students having cell phones in the class room. Many children and teens are only given cell phones for emergency use and, thus, in the case of an emergency they can be reached. Although I believe that students should be allowed to have their cell phones in class, there should still be strict regulations on them. Of course they shouldn't be used during class time if it is disrupting the class. ~~ In general, your problems lie in comma usage. But, if this is a formal essay and not a speech, I would steer away from writing it in the first person (using sentences like "I think..."), unless your teacher said that that's how it should be written.