1.Arguing over the internet is like the Special Olympics: even if you do win, you're still retarded. 2.The best thing about Alzheimer’s is: You can hide your own Easter eggs 3.Birdie, birdie, in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like sugar, tastes like sap. OMG! IT'S BIRDIE CRAP 4.I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain 5.Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them. 6.You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter
7. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. 8. There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side. 9. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils