If you're paying for the phone you can listen to it if you want. Its yours. People may not like to hear it but who ever is paying for it gets to do what they want to it. Heck, he could record it and broadcast it if he wants.
Okay, so the phone company paid for my phone line. - They should get to listen to my calls. The government has given them some money in forms of tax relief or similar. - They should get to listen to my calls. Everyone in my country that has paid taxes at least once has sponsored the government. - Anyone should get to listen to my calls. Now I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like anyone to listen to your calls and why is this? Privacy. You need it, and your kid is no different.
I didn't make any comments about letting your kids "do whatever the hell they want." You first said, "MY house, MY rules, MY kid" What's next? "MY wife, MY car, MY dog, MY grass, MY tree, MY this, MY that" Do you know what narcissisim means? Secondly, they may be your kids, but they aren't property. So when you say in that tone "MY kids" it as if you're saying "MY car".. it's like objectifying them as if they are property, which is not true.
Which is why I changed it -because you very obviously misinterpreted what I said... Seeing as you can't hear me, or see facial expressions I am quite curious as to how you can interpret a 'tone' ...you're are reading what you want to read. And by the way...simply saying that something is yours does not imply that you a narcissist ...in case YOU don't know what a narcissist is...it's someone with quite an ego and an obsessive self-interest...which is most definitely NOT implied by my saying 'MY House, MY Rules, MY Kids."
Upper case letters can be read as a type of tone, and from what you said, you said MY house, MY rules, MY kids.. Someone with an ego thinks he owns everything.. which is exactly how you came off.
Yes, they CAN be read as a type of tone, or otherwise...actually, usually they are read more as an emphasis. Everyone has an ego by the way, I think what you mean to say was that 'someone with a big ego thinks he owns everything.' I still disagree with that, I think someone with a big ego is someone that thinks very very highly of themselves..and thinks that the world revolves around them...having nothing, imo, with possession or material things. But hey, lets agree to disagree I suppose.
As long as my friends don't know that I've been spreading lies about them, what harm have I done? As long as the owner of a house doesn't know that I've broken in and went through their stuff, what's the harm? Would it be okay to go through your girlfriend's or boyfriend's stuff without them knowing? Don't try to excuse yourself with that, it's your intent and what it tells about you that matters.
Why are people so extreme in their opposing examples? That tells me that they think their points could be more easily proved wrong if they use common sense, rather than extremism.. It just reminds me of the whole gay marriage. "If we let gays get married, soon people will get married to animals!" Extreme. But anyway: How would spreading lies about your friends help them? That's something they're bound to find out because there's other people involved and chances are that at least one person will let your friends know. Your neighbors house isn't your house, your neighbors actions aren't your problem, nor is his/her life a reflection on you and his life has nothing to do with yours and you're not raising him/her. So.. why was this an example? You are not responsible for your girlfriend or boyfriends future. And unless your boyfriend/girlfriend is a kid and if it is, please walk towards the nearest prison and turn yourself in, you're not raising them. Any more extreme examples? I understand people have different opinions, and I totally respect that, but I just think it's lame when people use extreme examples to try and prove someone else their opinion is not of value. (Obviously, I've dealt with more people doing this than just you, so the venting isn't a reflection of just you.)
Because we find the whole situation very extreme itself. Unfortunately here, being gay and being intimate with animals became legal at the same time. I don't understand how they reasoned, but that's a whole other discussion. How would going through your kids stuff help them? A very small percentage of the population participates in criminal activity, self-injury or do drugs, so it's a bigger chance that your kid isn't doing anything wrong. Why do you find it so hard to trust him/her? You could very well find something that you don't like, but that doesn't meant that it's something wrong. And if you find these things, and they go against your principles (look at my argument regarding ex. atheism and religion in a previous post). In this case, your kid will suffer just because you don't like what they're doing, even if it isn't harmful for anyone. And what's the point of going through your kids stuff if you're not going to use it against them? It makes no sense. I'm not going to lie, if my kid was going through some heavy changes, more than I did at that point in my life (you change so much and it's easy not to see the line between normal teenage behavior and when something is wrong). At this point I would talk to them and ask them about my thoughts. Guns aren't easily accessible where I live, they're almost impossible to get hold of because we have a very strict gun policy which I am thankful of. I'm very liberal when it comes to drug, so if my kids were doing light drugs it wouldn't bother me much, I would just be sure to let them know important information about whatever drug they were doing, and make sure they were handling it responsible. These are the two only reason I could think of that you'd want to search your kids room, but if it comes to this, you have failed. You have failed in bringing up the kid, and they're not the one's that should be hold responsible. If you have to search through your kids room, you're basicly saying that you're not fit to be a parent.
Out of everything you just said, that scares me the most. That's kind of like a secret. Why listen to a secret if you aren't going to use it against them? I understand your views, and I respect them. I don't agree with them when it comes to searching kids rooms. I have no judgment about your drug history or your place on guns or anything like that. I solely disagree on the room searching. People are different for a reason. People grew up differently. There is no 100% fool proof way of raising a kid. Me searching my kids room (and I'm pretty sure people picture an FBI search warrant type-scenario when I say search, which is NOT when I meant for people to picture) is my prerogative. I can see where you would say that I would not be a fit parent if I felt the need to search my kids room (and please note, by search, I don't mean over turn every desk and bed and search every nook and cranny), but I don't get how you get that opinion of ME when I clearly stated the exact opposite. No parents know when to talk to their kids about sex, drugs, violence, blah de dah.. Me searching my kids room would help me find good timing. I find a box of condoms, I talk about sex, EVEN if the condoms were for a prank or some other thing. If I find drugs, I'd talk to my kids about drugs. From my kids perspective, hypothetically, he/she would see me as having damn good timing. "I bought a box of condoms and next thing I know, my moms talking to my about sex!" So, I don't see how, from what I, PERSONALLY, have said, I would not be a fit parent. I only speak for myself and no one else.
But, if they have drugs in their room, or condoms...isn't it more likely that they've already experimented with drugs or sex rather than still in the process of thinking about experimenting?
Yep. Everyone's kids have high chances of experimenting with these things. It's really no different then someone who doesn't search their kids room telling their kids about sex the day after they already had it..
Niceeee. Good point, good point. I agree 105%... Even though they're the same, I'd rather search the room and know for myself ..
What else scared you? I can't really see how you could be scared by that, as I've already stated that I wouldn't go through their rooms in the first place. It's nowhere near a secret. A secret is something that someone have told you in trust. They have chosen to tell you about it and they have implied that they don't want you to tell others about it. Going through someone's room is snooping, it's about finding out secrets no matter if the person who has them wants you or anyone else to know about them. It's not the same thing. If anything, that's an extreme example.
I knew you would say that.. It's not an extreme example, well, not as extreme as your previous ones, at least. The thing is, when you say "use it against them" it seems as though that's supposed to be the only option. Either know something and use it against them, or know nothing at all? Kind of? I don't know, it's just a little weird to me. I can still find things out about my kids and NOT hold things against them. I know people who are grown adults now, well beyond my years, who have had parents use what they found against them. And you know what they did? They beat them and punished them, instead of teaching them. I prefer to use my knowledge to teach rather than to punish!
No, they have privacy to, if they are hiding something, let them hide it, i'm sure i will find out someday, and if it's something big, im sure i can figure it out without searching trough my kids stuff =P
Yes of course, and by then think of all the "big things" you could've prevented...drug addictions, smoking habits, a pregnant daughter...extreme? no...these things happen to teenagers everyday. If you sit back and say that they need "privacy"...you're taking the backburner on your parenthood and not accepting your responsibility as a parent to protect your child or children from certain things.
Of course I would, I would make sure they didn't have anything I want, and if they did, I'd ask them where they got it, and tell them to get more for me. xD But, then again, I'd probably already have it if I wanted it, so I might just go through the stuff and talk to them about using it responsibly.. if that's possible. lol
i woudn't mind if they were smoking, and i would say that from the start to, smokig isn't that horrible anyway, even though i don't smoke. As for drugs, you really think you can stop that if you went going trough your childs things and found drugs? Saying that you found drugsand i never want you to take drugs again ( ofcourse, different said ). Hell, they will just go outside with friends and then take drugs, serously, i think it's more on how you raise your child for that. And fucking hell, pregnant daughter behind your back? i dont live in the U.S.A, i doubt that will ever happen when i have kids, and even if it did happen, they would atleast tell me that they have a girlfriend who is pregnant >_>. And, will i be even able to find any clues about wether my kids have or not have a girlfriend who is pregnant? " Oh my god, look what i found here! I found a pregnancy test in my sons room, on positive, on the floor, just like that! "