Uhm. No need to be facetious...I thought I was being pretty civilized in my argument. You could find condoms..condoms would mean sex..and just because they're using condoms doesn't mean that she can't get pregnant. I do agree with you though, on the point that it all depends on how you raise your kids. But at the same time, I don't think you can let that stand by itself...if you have reason to believe that there's something going on that you don't know about I don't see anything wrong with you going through your kids room...I mean...they are your kids, and it's not as if you want to see them doing something stupid, whatever you are doing is in their best interest...
I don't like the idea that people are over-confident that they are good parents. I think the best parents are the non-confident ones. They take more precautions.
Yea, but still, would it actually be possible to stop someone from having sex? Atleast they are using condoms, so heh =P.
Well I disagree, I think it's even more extreme. What makes you think that I'm using "use it against them" as a reference to violence? I've never stated anything of the sort. Even if you're just doing it to have a good timing on when to educate your kids about whatever you find in their room, you're still using it against them. If you find something in their room, they have already most likely tried it and this have two outcomes. 1. They feel that they are educated enough and therefore won't listen to you. 2. They (just like any other kid) think you're just being an annoying parent and don't care about what you say. I don't know how it is where you live, but here we get alot of information on drugs, violence and sex at a young age. Even though it was mainly just anti-drugs propaganda, it scared alot of people away from drugs. And the people I know who do drugs, they always look up information about them before thinking about taking it. Secure sex isn't anything out of the ordinary, it's obvious. And if you forgot a condom and you were stupid enough do proceed anyway, there's the morning after pill. And again, weapons aren't really a threat, seeing as only hardcore criminals or hunters can get a hold of them. These are the three biggest problem I can come to think of, but none of them is an actaul threat. What scares me the most is that you seem to be waiting until your kids are doing drugs, having sex or shooting people before you talk to them about them. Instead, try having an ongoing discussion with the child from a very young age, informing them about these things. Bring up the subject a a few days of each year and it's bound to get inprinted in their heads, especially when the school have these discussions. Don't wait.
Are you saying then, that the best thing for them to do is to go out there and 'do' the world? No one said anything about stopping them...but a lot of teenagers don't know all there is to know about having sex, like risks etc...and it IS your job as a parent to inform them...whether you do it or not is up to you. Okay, let's switch it up a bit...if you found a blade with blood on it in your kids room, and you noticed blade scars on their wrists, evident that they were cutting --would you still be ignorant as you were with the condoms and say - "Yea, but still, would it actually be possible to stop someone from cutting?" --No I'm pretty sure you wouldn't.
Yes, it is my job as a parent to inform them, i never said it wern't but i thought the discussion was about wether to or not go into your kids room and check trough their stuff. I'm sure i can inform my kids without having to check their stuff. Well, if your cutting your own wrist, i'm sure i would see the cuts on the wrists -without having to check the room, and i'm sure he/she will drop off a hint or anything that he/she is indeed depressed, and i could act accordingly and just ask whats the problem ( without checking their room ) And, ofcourse, it's possible to stop someone from cutting, maybe the parents words won't, but i could always send my kid to a psychiatrist if the problem is that serious. And yes, by doing the same thing, i could stop my kid from having sex, or just forbid him myself, but god, that's just wrong, it's better to just ensure that my kid is doing it safe
Have you noticed I have yet to question your way of doing things? It's funny. I KNOW there's no foolproof way of raising kids, which means, there's no definite right or wrong way to raise kids. The only wrong way to raise children is to teach them to hate and to not respect others. By the way you are consistently trying to prove me wrong with your extreme examples and your constant opposing me, you're teaching your kids it's not okay for other people to have their own way of doing things. I have yet to tell you what you're doing is wrong. This entire time I've been defending the way I do things because you keep trying to convince me it's wrong and basically said a couple of times, I would be a bad parent. I think out of the both of us, you'd be the worse of the two of us because you wouldn't teach your kids to respect others views, at least without trying to challenge and get people to back down and change their ways. You may respect the way I want to do things in your head, but in reality, you're still trying to challenge it, and so far, you haven't really proven, to me, I'm wrong in my ways and the way I would personally do things. I do not speak for anyone else. So, I think this discussion ends here because I'm tired of defending myself when there shouldn't be anything of that sort because like I said several times now, there's no foolproof way of raising children.
Hmm, I think I should have looked at this thread sooner. It is a very interesting topic and seems to have got everyone thoughts flowing. I know when I was young my mother went through my stuff. I only found out about it when I confessed that I had been smoking, which she then replied 'yes, I know. I found the matches in your wardrobe'. I wasn't too happy about this fact, I felt violated in every way. But I think this was increased due to the fact that me and my mother did not get along at all. I also think that the majority of parents go through their kids stuff at some point or the other. Parents can be very sneaky when doing this, so the kids don't know that anyone has been in their room and to be honest, I don't really know what I would do if I had kids of my own. I feel that they should have some privacy, but total privacy probably is not the best idea. It would be better to reach some sort of compromise, but at the moment I am not sure how this would be put into action.
Oh goshhh....we weren't talking about seeing things on your own. I don't know if you don't get that cutters don't exactly say 'Hey Ma, take a look at my wrists!!'...they tend to wear long sleeved shirts and such...and I'd also like to point out that not all cutters are "depressed" as there are a variety of reasons why people cut. I was just using that example because I figured it would get through to you easier...I guess not. Errr...sending your kid to a psychiatrist would stop them from cutting? I'm thinking they would hate you more for sending them to a shrink, than for going through his/her room no? And on your last point--how would you ensure that he/she is doing it safe...if you don't know about the condoms (since you didn't look in the room?)...
Well this is the debate's section, I would never dream of question your way to raise your child in a normal discussion, and I'm sorry if I have made you think that. I'm sure you understand that a debate is about bashing each other's arguments and proving that your argument is the correct, and this is why I like this part of the forum so much. It helps me to see flaws in my own arguments and ideas, making me questioning them and finding a better solution. Tolerance will be the most important thing I will teach my kids, and I would be sure to let them know that they should respect anyone's opinion even if they didn't agree with them.
I wouldnt touch their things, unless i suspected something major (drugs, porn, sex related objects, etc.) If i had children, i would think that in order for th em to trust me, id have to be able to trust them (to an extent )
How much i dislike to admit it, you got a point . But, if someone would actually cut, and hide any evidence of it, in the hope noone will find out, i doubt you will find much in their room. Ofcourse, if the kid knows the parent will never check in the room, he could, and surely will just keep it in his room, so, i suppose you would check the room if you knew something was wrong, but, seeying as they are keeping that a secret, the parent, would never find it out, unless you check the room. Right, but anyway, i guess you would see it that a parent should check out their room if you know that something is wrong, in the hopes of seeying any evidence that might point out to the problem.And even if there isn't a problem, you should just hop in their room to check if everything is going alright? ( sorry if this didn't make to many sense, kind of wrote down what i was thinking ) And yes, i'm sure they will dislike it, but, if the unlikely event happens that my kid likes to cut, and is addicted to cutting , i'm not sure what else i could do. Ofcourse i will first have a good talk with him in the hope that he comes to reason and stops cutting, but what if he just keeps going? Ignores everything he says? What would you do?
LoL, you're right. I should have put it somewhere else. :arf: ~~~ On a tangent, I found this interesting for people who like to debate: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straw_man