I accually just saw that. And I agree. I guess I kind of made this whole debate into something it wasn't. Anyways, discipline wise in some cases it is alright.
Uhm, this is a tough one to explain. To relate it back to my niece. if we confiscated any of her luxuries she would throw fits and sulk. If she painted all over the apartment, I would wait till there wasn't smoke billowing from my ears [till I calmed down, because I would be really caked] and try to decide whether or not the action deserved a spanking, which is what my father always did with me I don't think you should spank your kids when you're angry. You're more likey to be more harsh because you're caked... back to the niece, after a spanking, she would tell us how mean we were, but within minutes she was smiling again, because afterwards, I would play with her, or go watch a movie with her and ask her if she knew what she did was wrong and try to discuss the whole thing [that is, if High School Musical wasn't 1000 times more important] I cut, smoke, do drugs, and have attempted suicide. and it wasn't because my parents spanked me. as we have already discussed, there is a difference between spanking and beating. Being locked away and starved is not a spanking, that is child abuse.
I was just taking the painting the apartment as an example. Here's the thing, I don't belive that spanking is the right way to bring up your kids, but I think that most parents should stop their "best buddy" style, and be harder to when their kid does wrong. This can be done without spanking. The parents wanting to be the child's friend these days is what I think is the major problem. I thought you said that you didn't spank your niece?
I totally agree. but I also think that some parents are too soft with their kids. refusing to punish them at all, or only punishing them for things that adults would recieve life sentences for...
Well here's the way I see it. A child's life has three stages: 1) The Learning Stage (BABY 0-5 years) 2) The Correction Stage (CHILD 6-12 years) 3) The Practice Stage (TEEN 13-19 years) I think that spanking should only be used on stage 2 after the kids had time to learn right from wrong. The parent should try to be be best friends with the kid. Talk frequently and enroll them into sports or extracurricular activities to keep the kid's mind fixed on something so they don't resort to drugs or gangs. Those are my views in a nut shell... any comments?
just for the record, if my parents had tried to take control of my life like that, I would have blown a fit. also, I did ballet, modern dancing, kick-boxing, horse riding, drum lessons and choir, all of my own volition, yet I still ended up getting involved with drugs and alcohol.
Well how old were you when you tried that? I was thinking of a youngin, like i got into soccer at the age of 2 because my dad signed me up. i liked it, stuck to it, and if i didn't want to get kicked out i had to stay away from drugs.
To me, that's just sending double messages, which would confuse the child. You wouldn't need to spank the child if you weren't being it's best friend as best friends allow each other to do more than a parent would. If you would just accept the fact that you're a parent, not their buddy, chances are smaller that you would need to spank the child. You can be friendly with your child, but when your kid is 18 he won't invite you to the party, standing next to you while yelling "Chug, chug, chug, chug!".
well, I started ballet and dancing when I was in pre school, and the rest of out was spread out over my the later stages of my childhood. I got into alcohol and drugs when I was about 14. started smoking when I was 11. stopped all my extra curriculars and basically started flunking when I was about 16 ETA: I hope my kid will, coz that would be soooo cool. of course, straight afterwards I would warn him about the evils of alcohol...
What kind of friend are you talking about. I'm talking about the ones that tell each other everything.
What kind of friend are you talking about. I'm talking about the ones that tell each other everything, the one's that actually care about you. if some one is taking you out to get drunk, they are not friends
depends on what kind of person you are. in south africa, no decent friend lets their friends stay sober...
So a person of legal age, that is taking another person of legal age out to drink, is not a friend? You can't be drunk with a friend? I fail to see your point. Nevertheless, it was a funny simile rather than an actual example. What I meant was that you won't be considered a real friend. The child won't tell you everything, just as you don't tell everything to your friends. Don't try and say that people let their "true friends" know all of their secrets, because that isn't the case. There are always things you don't think other people need to know. And oh yeah, good luck having your kid tell you the same thing he/she tells his/her friends
Oh gosh, my parents are from the Caribbean...so the whole 'slapping your kid in public and having someone call child services' is something they kind of find comical. Actually, my parents never actually had to hit me, maybe a couple taps on the head when I was little, but for the most part ..i settled down when I saw 'the eye' lol... It's like..how Hermione in HP said 'fear of a name increases fear of a thing itself' ... it's kind of like 'fear of the idea of a thing increases fear of the thing itself'.. I mean..parents these days, have no idea how to control their children...and I'm 16..but come on..no one wants to see a 3 year old rolling on the ground in the middle of the grocery store throwing a tantrum [ and i don't mean the silent pout..I mean the 4 alarm screeching, kicking, crying, mom doesn't know what to do tantrum...] because they can't have Lucky Charms..it's ridiculous..
To be honest, I have never once seen something even remotely similar to that. I don't know if I've been lucky or what, but I've never seen a kid actually screaming at their parents in the store. Nag for a few minutes wile pulling mommy's skirt - Yes. Scream - No.
Everyone has really good points.. But, I think the conclusion is that there isn't an a right answer. Like I said before, it depends on the parent and the child.. And there is a fine line between bullying and parenting (my dad bullied me, I beat him up later in life), but there's a decent gap between abuse and parenting. Parenting is teaching your kid what they did was wrong. Abuse is beating your kid up pointlessly or because you're having a bad day.. If you're punishing your kid too severely, that's also abuse.
Yeah, you're lucky, it's NOT a pretty sight... From my observation it happens a lot more with young mothers, and single mothers..